"Find Your Space" Watercolor Art from "The Cosmic Philosophy Collection" by Srimati
Too many people are weak to the addictions of their loved ones. And is it any wonder? If you read up on it, some people suggest that you need to approach addiction with compassion and patience and give addicts the space to choose for themself. You take a passive back seat of acceptance and watching and waiting. Women are often encouraged to be patient with their partners in the face of seemingly innocent addictions and to not make a big deal about it.
In my experience, it doesn't work. Addicts rarely see the harm they are creating with their addictions, especially when those addictions seem harmless on the surface. It takes a level of self-care that is challenging in order to remove yourself from the equation of this harm.
You also have the right to choose whether you want that in your life. You have the right to a type of self-care that, while it may be hard, is 100% necessary if you want to heal and get yourself back from the toxic effects of addiction.
Make no mistake that addiction is affecting more than just that person with the addiction. Addiction is like a poisonous monster with long tendrils that reach inside all those surrounding it, slowly poisoning them. It's subtle energies and poison leach inside its victims such that a victim may not realize it for years and years until they begin to show symptoms of this toxicity and they wonder how it got this way.
The way to get yourself back and free yourself from this poison is with the medicine of boundaries. It's as simple as saying "I absolutely do not want this in my life. You have the right to choose what you do, and I have the right to choose whether I want this in my life. I don't want to live like this anymore. If you want to join me in sobriety, we can continue to have a relationship, but I will no longer be a part of this either way."
If you have suffered in your life surrounded by addiction, it will likely be difficult for you to erect these boundaries. Addiction is familiar. You surrounded yourself with it and accepted it from loved ones because it was the price of love; the price of relating with them. Maybe they guilted or gas-lit you into believing you were bad for disapproving of their behavior and addiction, or they convinced you there wasn't a problem.
Either way, you are paying a price and that price is too high. It's the price of your soul.
Take your soul back and remove the addiction from your life. Draw clear boundaries between yourself and other people steeped in it, or even with people who dabble recreationally if you want to get free and clear of the energy altogether (there is no shame in this as you can freely choose the type of people you want to surround yourself with. If you have been traumatized from being in close relationship with an addict, being around sober peoples is a powerful medicine). There are many wonderful people who choose to live life sober. Find those people and live a life free of the toxic relationships built around the next high or the next drink.
If your loved one can't choose or does end up choosing their addiction over you, walk away. They will need to face the reality that their addiction was more important than their relationship with you and your safety in the relationship. This will be a reality check for them and may become the first step in their recovery.
And whatever you do, don't take advice from people who excuse the addictions of others or are addicts themselves. These people are usually protective of addicts and will not see the harm in it. Addicts protect addicts. Their concern is not about the emotional and physical health of you or the addict in question.
As far as you go, my recommendation is don't turn back. Keep your eyes forward, seeking out nourishing relationships that are healthy and thriving and free of corruption and focus on removing that corruption from yourself so you will be reciprocating in those newly formed relationships. You deserve it and are worthy!