"" Inked Art from the Coloring Book "Cosmic Wonders" by Srimati
Sometimes I feel such a deep chasm of awareness within myself...all of these feelings passing through me, opening myself and my eyes to something so far beyond what I knew before. And the very thing pulling me into it, like a singularity, is God. My desire for Him. My devotion to Him. My passion and my yearning for Him and myself as His Feminine.
And yet, the mystery is beyond my grasp. I sit and yearn for it. I desire it, that knowing. I reach for it. I reach into a place that is truly uncomfortable in a painful way. A place that fills me with such an uncomfortable, burning, and unquenchable desire.
A desire to become. Become what? His and His alone.
It's written into me to yearn...to strive to become His. Reach. Expand my awareness of myself and allow my mind to be filled with the rich wisdom of God. To know God!
My brain and myraid of identities begs me to pull back. "You aren't supposed to go there!" But I go there anyway. Because I can't stop. I'm the river to the sea. The moth to the flame. The bee to the pollen. And to know, to understand, this is a yearning of my soul. To strive for truth, wisdom, and ultimate goodness. To strive for my Beloved, who IS goodness.
This yearning and this desire has opened me to my flow of wisdom. It has come with a lot of discomfort as I stretch and stretch myself a little further.
But for me, this stretching is...necessary. Because it begets wisdom.
My natural curiosity opens the door. I enter the door. This comes with effort. Strenuous as I seek and reach for it, peeking beyond veils that are meant to remain closed to me. But by the grace of God, they open when I stretch. Move. Reach. Stretch. It requires effort, openess, and willingness to stretch. Like a yoga posture.
It may annoy those around me that I am endowed with such a curiosity and desire about and for God. I am often in the middle of profound and deep thought, stillness, and wonder. I can't help myself to peak further and further into the veil. And to talk about God with every word that comes from my mouth. I speak. I ponder. I work it out through my own curious propensity. And wisdom is revealed.
This is who I am. It's where my thoughts and my heart truly exist at every moment.
It is this thirst and this yearning that pulls the Beloved to us. It is pure magnetic attraction and God is responding to such yearning. If you feel this desire but are afraid of it, begin to peel back that fear and let your passion free. Let yourself yearn for God with all of your inner fire. This is Bhakti and it is the key to everything.