"Freedom" from the Coloring Book "Down to Earth by Srimati
One of the reasons I advocate for trauma victims to speak their truth and their healing process is because there is a real true problem with victim/suvrivor silence in our society that essentially results in maintaining the status of the abuser while the victim is placed in an oppressive silence, in some cases owing their life and serving those who abused them like slaves in that system of silence.
If you need an example of what this looks like, I encourage you to read up on the sexual abuse problem in Amish communities. It's eye opening and reveals how in practice this system of silence and oppression truly holds people down in unconsciable ways. If you have lived this type of oppression, you know what I speak. If you haven't lived it, that makes you a privileged human. And I don't speak that pejoratively, rather what I do speak is that if you are privileged, use your privilege with compassion and awareness and try to understand what I am saying. Corruption continues when we turn a blind eye to it and keep trauma survivors silenced. It holds people in shame and does not create a good support system for their healing.
In these situations, victims are shamed into believing their trauma should never be spoken and connecting with others through their trauma somehow holds them in the trauma and creates so called "trauma bonds".
But trauma bonds are actually when a victim feels silenced by their abuser and are essentially kept in silence around their abuse and trauma while being asked/expected by others to maintain the relationship.
Silence is a form of violence that holds abuse victims in a muzzle. And when everyone in their life has kept them in conditions of silence, going out in the world and being met with the same attitude of shame holds the spirit down in a cage, where their hurt inner child is locked away from them and held hostage so they cannot access themself and bring themself back home. The trauma bonded relationship keeps them fractured and broken. They feel obligated to stay and society is busy telling them to just "forgive and forget".
The silence traps their victimized self in a cage with no access. The shame around this victim is so vast that they cannot reach her.
On the other hand when we create the environment that encourages victims to speak and hold the abuser accountable, and heal simultaneously, when we create a safe community-society framework with mental health/nervous system and shamanic support that says "no tolerance for abuse" and "speak your truth so you can heal" and "abusers must face the reckoning of their actions, not put the weight onto their victims (which are often children)" and "walk away from those trauma bonds and abusive relationships" and "share your healing process to light the way for others and remove the shame" we create new pathways for people that dismantles the systems of oppression and creates a clearing for them to parasympathetically free their trapped self and emotions from those oppressive chains. It creates an environment of safety for abuse survivors where, via the parasympathetic nervous system they are able to experience safety and acceptance and even justice around their history. They are no longer trapped in the fight or flight of their sympathetic nervous system, where the oppressive silence holds them in fear for their safety and place in their group of belonging.
This is precisely why I will never adopt practices of shaming other humans for being brave enough to share their suvivor story, healing process, and shadow work or for taking a stand for the oppressed. I myself walked a terrible trauma filled childhood and what lead to my healing was when I finally broke free from those trauma bonds (I literally broke up with my birth family) and bravely spoke my truth and took my self back and brought those broken and fractured, victimized pieces back home to myself without an ounce of rejection for being a victim. Rather, my Shamanic guides showed me the extent that I actually was victimized and that I truly was innocent. They revealed to me where I blamed myself for so long and encouraged me to go easy on myself. All of my shadow behaviors were connected to this and once I got free, self care became 1000% easier and more enjoyable. I lost 30 pounds (am still losing weight). My life brightened and the sun shone through the darkness.
And I will never, ever be silenced again or allow another person to gaslight me as I did for so long. Because now being on the other side of that and letting myself speak, I have experienced the freedom of it and know it is more real than anything else that was imposed on me by an outside source.
This is why I advocate for survivors to speak. It is why I advocate for our society to do better in the treatment of victims and offering them true healing pathways. It is why I am doing the work myself to walk the medicine woman path. Let us show others what is possible when we allow the truth to be revealed and hold corruption accountable.
If accountability makes you uncomfortable, ask yourself why. If victims/survivors speaking their truth and process makes you uncomfortable ask yourself why. See the ways you are complicent in this system. And do the work to become a better ally for survivors of child abuse, sexual abuse, sex trafficking, and domestic abuse. Hold others accountable and protect children. Unmarry yourself from trauma bonds and stop rewarding abusers with your loyalty without asking for their accountability or making ammends.
Above all, get free and honor the journey that survivors and victims must walk to heal. It is a painful journey but it can be made so much more easeful with the right support system and pathway being made accessible. Find a good community that will see you and love you in your process of healing, who aren't trying to gaslight you or reframe you. Who can hold space for your true history without needing to silence you. But will simultaneously lift you into the light and promote education and healing practices that work deeply and somatically.