Updated: Oct 7
"A Star is Born" Inked Art from the Coloring Book "Cosmic Wonders" by Srimati
Trauma bonding is a strong emotional attachment between a person and their abuser that holds the two in entanglement together. It's when you and those who moved through a trauma together are bonded together by an unholy sense of loyalty to the abuser while the trauma itself is unrecognized. These people feel a sense of loyalty to one another, often the trauma is not even talked about or addressed and is hidden beneath the surface of the relationship, which is often filled with toxic and abusive dynamics, and causing a lot of harm while the people in those relationships suffer in silence, but pretend the relationship is fine.
In these dynamics, abusers often continue to abuse because they've been enabled and ARE NEVER HELD ACCOUNTABLE.
The abused people are not: told how to actually heal their trauma, offered attonement and ongoing perpetrator accountability for wrongdoing, given expressed freedom from the abuser to walk away from the relationship. There is an entanglement that keeps the persons abused feeling they must remain obedient to those who abused them. And abused people will stay in those relationships because of loyalty they feel to the abuser.
Trauma bonded relationships hold often very traumatized peoples in relationship dynamics that continue to retraumatize them. They have been told things like "forgive and forget" and are trapped in a cycle where they end up martyring themselves and their fractured soul pieces to "play nice" with their abuser(s).
Our spirit guides always operate by removing clients from these harmful dynamics and encourage the dissolution of such relationships where there is too much harm to restore them. But the problem comes when the client is so trauma bonded that they are addicted to the relationship. All the while, they feel they must forgive the person and themselves, when what is needed is for them to be removed from the dynamic and entanglement so it no longer afflicts them.
If you are finding forgiveness impossible, I have a surprise for you. It's not you it's them. Really. They are inappropriately in your space and entangled with you. This is likely not your fault. Really. But it is your responsibility to get out of the dynamic.
You are seeking justice for your soul pieces, not forgiveness. Do not engage in those trauma bonded relationships and find the restoration you need. Receive correction from God through holy communion, so you are not repeating those same trauma bonded dynamics with the people you do love and want to remain in connection with.
Accountability is not just about you. The people you are relating with also need to be held accountable so there is no codependency, abuse and trauma bonding occurring. If you enable those relationships by martyring yourself and saying "it's just me" you will continue to be energetically siphoned and vulnerable to violation.
Get yourself free and clear and do the work to end those relating patterns and restore yourself to wholeness in the family of God.