"Cosmic Soup" Inked Art from the Coloring Book "Cosmic Wonders" by Srimati
Women have a deep need for accountability and to feel safe enough to let go and allow natural consequences to occur without her carrying the weight of people's actions. It's our blocking that need by either control or as a trauma response (being in fight, flight, freeze, fawn) that results in the flow of freedom and trust being blocked between the other.
We block out of fear. What will happen if... I've noticed in my own patterns where those fears show up, it is not just fear of bad things but fear of good.
It happens when we don't hold others accountable or communicate very clearly agreements in the relationship or ask for restoration in a way that doesn't diminish the potency of the relationship, but rather strengthens it. It happens when we are afraid of the consequences...deeper intimacy, challenge in how another person feels and being present with their discomfort, or maybe the relationship will break and we will be the bad guy. It happens out of fear of creating boundaries.
This results in us transforming this need into repressed, unmet feelings that can fester. The result is usually a rupture and lashing out when our inner self feels so overwhelmed by what is piled on top of us that does not belong to us.
I find this is something a man and woman need to have a good understanding discussion over, when there is amicablity between them. She can vulnerably share and communicate her need:
I need accountability. I need a system of accountability in place with clear boundaries between what is mine to hold and what is yours or I don't feel safe in this relationship and my strength is siphoned. I will feel the need to always emotionally carry the consequences of the relationship and I need help letting go through accountability and clear boundaries that we agree on.
If the man in her life can understand this need of hers, it can greatly transform his relationship with her and it will simultaneously reveal the shadow of why she can randomly lash out. This can help both partners arrive at a space of flow, trust, and freedom. If she lashes out, she knows her sovereignty was compromised and she was carrying something that was not hers, though she might not understand the shadow dynamic of why and where her responsibility ends and his and others begins. This is why it is so necessary for both partners to meet one another here. And by his grace, he can offer her kind understanding in why she is struggling, then do the work with her to bring balance back to the relationship with accountability measures in place.
As for her, she will need to develop the inner strength and grit to bring herself back home to herself, let go of those emotional burdens, and vulnerably ask for what she needs so she is not holding it all by herself. She will need to take personal responsibility for her part in the dynamic.