"Kuan Yin: Mother of Healing" Color Page from "My Moon Mood Journal"
Your forgiveness might be a destraction.
The thing is, forgiveness as a concept often times has a lose definition and it's riddled with pat answers that don't address what's going on beneath the surface.
Little things can be easy. No big deal.
But the big things....the things that truly harmed...
They plague us. We rehash them. We want to forgive but we don't have a way...
The answer may surprise you.
I don't advocate for forgiveness. Forgiveness is a destraction that pulls us away from what needs to be addressed. What is really going on beneath the surface in all of those layers, where deep violation has occurred?
Deep down you are craving justice. And justice doesn't care about your forgiveness. It has a different agenda. And that agenda is just as important as letting go, but is an entirely different part of the healing process that cannot be skipped.
Forgiveness must happen in steps and it is the last and final part. Before forgiveness comes the most crucial stages of healing:
Justice and atonement.
There is a reason you feel they way you feel. You have been violated and the common response to violation in our culture is "forgive and forget". "Do it for yourself". "It's not about them it's about you", "you just need to let it go", "don't be a victim", "let go of that bitterness and anger", "think positive thoughts and you'll get better".
But the thing is, deep down our souls don't want to just let violations slide. We don't want to turn our backs on corruption and allow it to go unchecked. Our souls crave justice, atonement, accountability, and ammends. These are natural processes that root corruption out and ensure it can't thrive in ourselves, families, communities, and society.
It is an absence of these processes that make people hold tightly. Deep down, we've been violated and the harmful effects of that violation need to be addressed. The more harm we allow to slide, the more outraged our souls become, and sadly the more people will numb to such outrage to avoid the cognitive dissonance of it, especially when they feel powerless to stop it. That's when we wind up blaming the victim and telling those who have been victimized to just let it go, all the while real evil and corruption goes unchecked, maintaining its status. This imbalance of power is an outrage to Life Herself.
Our souls are craving justice, deep witnessing for wrong doing. Acknowledgement, validation, and restoration. Without these things, forgiveness is empty and hollow. Real corruption and evil is allowed to roam untamed.
Deep down, our souls are craving for us to cultivate healthy boundaries and seek restoration. When we make mistakes, they want us to take the steps to make ammends and hold ourselves accountable. When we feel shame, our souls want us to look at how we are living and make things right, then let go of the things we are ashamed of that are not truly ours to hold. They want us to let go of the burdens we are carrying that don't belong to us. Forgiveness happens very naturally when we go to bat for ourselves and give ourselves enough love to truly treat ourselves with respect and honor, and to hold ourselves and others in accountability when and where it is our responsibility to do so.
They want us to hand back over the burdens and consequences to those whom they belong so we are not the carriers of it.
They want us to seek and stand for justuce when and where possible, and to hold evil accountable.
What our souls want is holy restoration starting with retrieval of what was lost, justice for our soul parts that were harmed, attonement, accountability, solid and loving boundaries, reciprocated honoring relationships, and ammends.
Forgiveness is righteous and quite natural when all of these other aspects are present, but without them, it is an empty and shallow concept, void of a soul, that holds no agreed upon pathway to truly restore a person to wholeness. It usually asks those who were harmed to carry the burden of healing and responsibility without asking for accountability from others. It becomes about us being stronger than others actions and the carriers of their wrongdoing, when others say things like "only you can let others harm you", "words don't hurt you", "don't let them get to you".
Forgiveness can quite easily become a part of a toxic coverup culture that allows real harm and violation to slide, and those who harmed to maintain the power status.
It is a word people throw out to others who feel wronged and can't let go, because often those people don't really have the answer. It is a sign of a sick and unboundaried society that worships forgiveness above accountability and gives the pat answer "you just need to forgive and forget".
We say no. What you need is holy restoration: retrieval and boundary restoration, and we can help you with that.